6 Questions to Check In on Our Pastor

When was the last time that you checked in on your pastor? For so many of us, that is an odd concept. We are used to the pastor checking in on us. But when do we make sure that they are doing well, both physically and spiritually? And what kind of questions do we even ask?

I’m writing these questions assuming you already have a friendship with your pastor and that you have the freedom in that relationship to ask some bold questions. My thoughts come from a place of love as someone who struggles alongside you in ministry. No pastor has it fully together in all of these areas, and I’m no exception.

And while I use the word pastor, the following questions can be asked of anyone who serves in ministry. I hope that by asking these questions, we can grow towards a better understanding of each other and a healthier ministry.

1. What are you reading?

This question has two layers. First, what part of the Bible are you reading for yourself? So many pastors read Scripture only through the lens of sermon or lesson prep, especially when preparing multiple studies a week. I want to know where in God’s Word they are reading for their own edification and spiritual growth.

Second, what other things are they reading? Books, articles, blogs, magazines, and many other things. I enjoy asking this of anyone, not just pastors, because people come alive when they talk about what they’ve learned or what grabbed them. Also, this question is an excellent way of discovering more about your friend’s personality.

A word of caution: when a person in ministry doesn’t have an answer for what they are reading, that is worth noting. It becomes dangerous when there is limited interest or when studying only for the next lesson. Additionally, as a good friend, have a recommendation ready…just in case.

2. What and who are you listening to? 

These belong together because of how much they shape us. The question usually comes naturally: “What pastors or sermons have you listened to lately?” This needs to be asked of pastors because they need spiritual food, not just to give it. Additionally, this can extend to podcasts, audiobooks, and even what is playing on the radio as they drive. Similar to the reading question, people say a lot about themselves through what they listen to and enjoy.

3. Prayer Questions

Asking about someone’s prayer life is bold in any context. However, prayer is a central aspect of Christianity. Pastors often lead prayer, manage prayer lists, and encourage others to share. However, I am more interested in their prayers as individuals. With questions such as:

• What does your prayer routine look like? (daily or weekly)
• How is your prayer life? What do you find challenging to pray about, or what themes keep recurring in your prayers?
• What are your personal prayer requests?

For those close enough to ask: I’m not asking when they last prayed for others or the ministry. I’m asking, when did they last pray for themselves?

4. The Hard Question: What do you need to stop doing?

I sigh just reading that. My default is always, “What more could I be doing to push the ministry forward?” But I’ve had people in my life push back with this question, and it’s worth sitting with.

Ephesians 4:12 says, “to equip the saints for the work of ministry.” That leads to some honest follow-ups:

• Have you trained or equipped others to do this?
• Do you trust other people in your church family?
• Have you given them opportunities?
• If you have answered yes to all three, why are you still doing it?

5. The Sleep Questions

We all know that very few people get enough sleep. And if your pastor is like me, they’re convinced of the lie that they’re fine. Or they answer, it’s just “the amount” of sleep they get. (Between caffeine and a mind that won’t quiet down, I’ve made peace with the lie, too.) But the research on sleep and productivity is hard to argue with. (Here is an example.) So let’s begin asking the questions:

• On average, how much sleep are you getting?
• Do you feel rested?
• What is your typical wind-down routine?
• When did you last turn your phone off and take a nap? (Turn your phone off. Jesus took naps…be like Jesus!)

In the end, you have to rest. And this is coming from someone who struggles in this area. Fatigue multiplies. Burnout compounds. Rest is not optional.

6. When do you find time to move/exercise? 

I know, we just talked about rest, and now we’re talking about exercise. However, being a pastor is often a very sedentary occupation, and for some, we have to be intentional about our physical movement. One of my favorite tools is a simple timer. On heavy study days or paperwork days, I set my timer for 20–25 minutes. When it goes off, I take five minutes to stretch, walk, or simply stand and breathe deeply. Then, every couple of cycles, I take a longer break and try to go for a more extensive walk.

Pastor Mark’s Take Away:

Take care of yourself. Ministry is tough on a good day. If we do not take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually, then what do we have to pour into the lives of other people?