If I asked you to describe the typical “grumpy old man,” what comes to mind?
Tv, movies, and videos have given us many examples of the “grumpy old man” from Mr. Wilson (Dennis the Menace) to Mr. Dawes (Marry Poppins) to Statler and Waldorf (Muppet Show), and many others.
However, what has become more concerning to me is the spiritual leaders who now sound like the typical “grumpy old man” with the proverbial “Get off my lawn!”
Personal Story Time
Over the past twelve months, I have had to block and unfollow (on social media) four organizations and three different individuals who I once looked to for inspiration, encouragement, and guidance. After following the steps below, I still struggle to know if I should be upset or disappointed. In the end, I find myself moving on and now trying to encourage others who may find themselves in the same situation. So, “Will Pastor Mark share the list of grumpy people or organizations?” The answer is absolutely not. I continue to pray for these people and organizations that their hearts change.
So what is Spiritual Grumpy Old Man Syndrom?
Please note that this has nothing to do with age or gender but with the individual’s mindset (or heart). They have reached the spiritual status quo of “Get off my lawn!” And while they may not say it that specific way, here are some other examples:
- An attack of another person or entity because of rising popularity, “I don’t like them…because they are not me,”
- Continuing to point to past events. “This is wrong because I like things the way they used to be.”
- A superior view of themselves. “I am the only one doing right!”
Additionally, I used the term “spiritual leader” to include more than just your pastor. Many of us have other spiritual leaders in our lives to consider, like Sunday school teachers, Bible study leaders, Radio/TV pastors, relatives, former pastors, and those who write articles on the internet like me. Transparently, if I am not careful, I will fall into the same traps.
Change of Culture
A primary point that I will not expound upon too much is the pragmatism of keeping things the way they are and not wanting to adjust or accept a changing culture. Now, I will state that maybe at one time, the viewpoints and comments of our now grumpy individuals were from the heart of protecting the flock. Our Bible does say, “Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood.” Acts 20:28
However, you will notice that for many, it is no longer “pay attention to yourselves,” but it is an attack on an ever-changing culture. Please know that you have every biblical right to say, “I like these things,” because we all have preferences. However, we must be careful when we make our preferences the new definitions of biblical right and wrong.
What to do if your spiritual leader has grumpy old many syndrome?
1. Pray for evangelism
I want to encourage you to pray that their heart would warm again to the evangelism of the gospel and the lost world in need of hearing the good news about Jesus Christ. As Christians, we are called to meet people where they are. When we become so focused on pointing fingers instead of pointing people to Jesus, we no longer advance Christ’s name. Instead, we are found guilty of dividing the church family.
I think Paul puts it best in 1 Corinthians 1:13, “Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?” We focus so much on individual leaders, or what our leaders like and dislike, that we miss the point of Christ and what He did for us.
2. Listen and Ask Questions
If you have the opportunity and can talk to the individual, I want to encourage you to listen and ask questions. (For reference, I could do this with two of the individuals I mentioned above.)
- Ask about what events or leadership decisions happened in the past that they were proud of or enjoyed.
- Ask questions about how they succeeded or failed throughout the ministry.
- Why do they think it worked?
- What worries them about the future (or a topic that upsets them)?
- What made it possible for them to try? Or were they already in a “system” that was accepted, and they continued what was already happening?
By asking questions, we hope to remind them of failures and successes. As well as controversies that they may have faced in the past and how they may have overcome them. And by listening, we may discover a deeper point of disagreement that we are not seeing. So, instead of a preference, we may find an actual right and wrong problem.
3. Lovingly confront the grumpy individual
Confrontation is never easy, and as I will restate in point 4, I am not looking for an argument that goes nowhere. But I am encouraging good biblical communication and confrontation. We find that Matthew 18:15-17 gives us a blueprint for handling a disagreement in which we think a fellow Christian has gone too far and possibly sinned. My favorite line is in verse 15 because if we both listen and work out our differences, we are promised that we will “have gained a brother.”
While it is not easy, and sometimes the opportunity is difficult to arrange. Allow me to encourage you to go to them as a loving Christian brother or sister in an attempt to reconcile, love, and ultimately bring glory to God.
4. Realize that you may have to move on
Again, I am not into arguing (in person or on the Internet). A possible result is concluding that you and the grumpy spiritual leader must go separate paths. This separation can be emotionally challenging and spiritually trying. However, in the end, I am reminded of Titus 3:9a: “But avoid foolish controversies…” I would rather move on to other items of encouraging Christians to share the gospel of Jesus with the lost than fuel, push, or buy into this controversy.
In the end…
As I stated earlier, these are the steps that I followed, and I hope that they help you as well. God calls us to love people. Especially those we disagree with. I hope that this list helps us be on guard of our hearts and grow in discernment of what others are saying. I pray that I see my preferences and yours and that I see them as such. Finally, I pray that I can see when I stop worrying about myself (1 Cor 1:13) and that we will be faithful spiritual leaders.
